Dont is such a simple, easy to apply modifier for our lives. Do encompasses everything; so, dont is left to get all the work done. If we get dont sorted out properly, the rest of living is a piece of cake, a lighthearted romp through correctness
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This truth is so simple, yet incredibly valuable, Ive decided to provide a list of dont as a public service. My promise is that, if you master this list, your life will overflow in a gentle glide of social riches.
You wont need the law of attraction. This will do it.
- Dont go there. Face it, we all know what the limits are. Stay inside the boundaries and live in joy.
- Dont piss off the king. The king is a prick. We all know that, too. His flunkies have nightsticks and write gossip columns.
- Dont get involved in politics. This includes the most grievous waste of time known to humanity, voting. Nobody really counts em. The results are all known in advance. You didnt think an honest vote by people, most of whom have at least half a brain, would elect those guys, did you?
- Dont sleep on the subway, darling. Unless youre one of those people who like to talk really loud in public, especially on uninteresting topics. In that case, please sleep.
- Dont go to work on time. After a very short period, the bastards get to expect it. Then, what are you going to do?
- Dont get out of bed on time. (See above.)
- Dont let your conscience be your guide. Consciences were not devised to facilitate fun. Next thing you know, youll be telling your lover/spouse/significant other the truth, and youll have to give a lot of money back. This will ruin your relationships in the former, and set off a chain reaction among your friends in the latter.
- Dont set foot inside a church, synagogue or other religious edifice. Once there, these other rules will be hard to follow.
- Dont pay all your taxes. This ones so obvious and routinely followed anyway, I almost skipped it.
- Dont respect the rights of others. Its just one of those rules the powerful make to keep the less powerful in line. Rights are made to be broken, as they say.
- Dont complain about the weather. If youre looking to confirm the despairing knowledge that God doesnt listen and you are totally on your own, this is how you do it. So, dont. Skip happily among your illusions.
- Dont read the books of serious writers or of anyone who includes his or her middle name on the binding. Others will begin expecting you to know and, god forbid, do better. You dont want that, do you?
- Dont be honest with yourself, unless you like to sigh or say, Ugh, a lot.
- For that matter, dont even know thyself. It just makes everything harder.
- Dont allow yourself to be x-rayed under any circumstances. You dont even know what they put in those things, but its clear that they set your genes dancing like the Jewish men in Fiddler On The Roof when Tevya announces his daughter is marrying the butcher.
- Dont allow your daughter to marry the butcher. Youll be in danger of dancing like that. With other men. (If youre a woman, you can do anything you want.)
- Dont go to college. If you already went, its too late, and you already know the truth. College is an expensive vacation from reality, with no other appreciable benefit, and you have to pay for it. In certain cases, your parents are just trying to get you out of the house.
- Dont sing along with the radio in your car. Especially, if youre alone. And dont kid yourself. Everyone knows what youre doing, and it makes other drivers uncomfortable and giddy.
- Dont kid yourself. You probably dont have the sense of humor for it.
- Dont turn off the television when you leave the room. Youll just have to snap it back on again when you return with your snacks.
- Dont play by the rules, unless someone really big or nasty is watching. Otherwise, no point in it.
- Dont waste a lot of time exercising. You will die anyway, and there are all those gym fees. Theres usually something good on television, anyway.
- Dont stick to a healthy diet. Goats eat anything, and you havent seen a sick goat, have you? All those annoying scientific studies are just out there because there isnt enough war to keep all the scientists busy. Idle minds come up with strange idea. Trans-fats, for example. We didnt even have them until recently.
- Dont ask.
- Dont tell.
Its all up to you. Oh, and dont buy this cool hoodie that was designed to celebrate your dont commitment.
Don’t by davestone13
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David Stone, Writer