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How I Slowly Earned the Trust of My Newly Adopted Son

The process of adoption in my case is not that smooth, but I can say I learned so many things about it. There are times that I got frustrated along the way, but focusing on the reason why I want to adopt a child gives me the extra push all the time.

The process took time for me because I want to get the right fit for me and for the child mostly. I prepared everything – from looking for the most suitable and the best adopting agency, getting help from an adoption attorney, my financial capacity, the new home for the child and much more.

The right child was chosen for the adoption, a boy in his toddler year (I would not disclose the real age here). I felt a connection with the boy, but it took a while before the mother-son connection was fully established. I am fully aware that he was given up for adoption against his will due to the common issues why they are given to adoption firms. I can feel that he is searching for a real home, a mother who will care for him, protect him, provide for him and most of all, a mother who will love him unconditionally and a mother who will call “mom.” It took a while before he truly opened up to me. I did not rush things because I am aware of the fact that I am not his biological mother and he thought I adopted him because of pity or mercy. It is hard to explain to him my main reason since he is still a toddler and I resorted to show the mother’s unconditional love than explain. After all, “actions speak louder than words” as they say. I said unconditional love because I do not expect him to love me back. I give him the care of a genuine other, shelter him with true home and did not force him to love me back. It was a trying times for me. There are times that I asked myself if I did the right thing or if I truly get the most suitable kid from the firm. But then again, I am mother and I have to love unconditionally.

Some people asked me how I was able to earn the trust of my newly adopted son. I answer them this: you have to learn the love language of the other person. You have to speak his love language. That’s how relationships grow and a mother-son relationship is included. Reading parenting books can help; they can serve as guide, but you have to come up with your own way of parenting. Don’t play by the books instead you have to discover his/her language of love. It may take time. It may take you outside of our comfort zone. It may require so much effort on your part, but trust me in this – once you learn to love the person with his/her love language, they will also love you back on your own language and this is what happening to me and my son now.

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