How To Be Alone, and not Lonely

How To Be Alone, and not Lonely

I admit there are people who are terrified of their own company.  Most people are not, they just feel afraid or uncomfortable.

There are those who adore their own company.  They love the freedom of being/doing what they please, and don’t need another person to make them happy.

Today, many people have become singletons, not that they planned on it, it just sort of happened.

And many make the best of it.

Although we can hope that the ones we love don’t leave us, and that we will always have ‘family’ whether biological or selected, the fact is, the likelihood of being on your own has increased.  In New York City, for example, 60% are singletons.

To not simple survive but thrive, begin with a visit to yourself.  Do that meditation thing.  What do you want. What do you like.  What makes you happy.

Although these seem to be easy questions, for those no accustomed to their own company, they are rather difficult.

For example, what do you like to eat?  Do you remember?  Have you spent so many years over the ‘family’ pot that you forgot what sriracha is?

How do you like to dress?  Have you spent your life ‘pleasing’ others that you don’t recall how you loved denim?

Once you get your likes together, spoil yourself.  Do exactly what you want, when you want, how you want.

Make coming home something you desire, not a place you are afraid to go.

Many people talk about that ‘dark’ room.  If you have a few things plugged in, like a phone charger, like a surge protector, these little lights are welcoming.

Make a plan.

Monday to Friday you get up at 7, get yourself fed and together and reach work by 8:30.  You leave work at 4:30.  You shop on Monday, for example.  That means you should have done your grocery list on Sunday.

Having to do a grocery list on Sunday means an investigation of your cupboards and fridge.  This ties in with a cleaning of your cupboards and fridge.  It also ties into a bathroom cleaning.

So Sunday becomes your cleaning day.  Of course, if Sunday is your Church day, then Saturday is your cleaning day.

This is not to enter the world of compulsives and turn into ‘Monk’, this is to distribute your tasks.

Even if you have a helper who cleans for you, doing the grocery investigation can tie with rearrangements.

In otherwise, non-work days are not empty, you have tasks.

There’s laundry, there’s generic cleaning/rearranging.  Use your non-work days for everything you put off during the week.

When you come home, take a shower, relax, put away your things, make a meal, then do what you want.

Read? Television? Hobbies?  Plan ahead.  Don’t become locked…”No, I can’t go to your party on Thursday, for that’s the day I polish my shoes…” just don’t put yourself into that position that you feel in solitary confinement.

Don’t act as if your phone is a life-preserver, and call people just to hear a human voice.  Talk to yourself.  Plan ahead.

For example, you know exactly what you are going to say to the Boss From Hell tomorrow.  If he dares to bring up xyz.  You know how you will speak to the bank, or that pesky friend of a friend.  You know, because you have had time to…think.

When you live with other people, you don’t have time to think.  Not that kind of personal think.  You have to think about them, you have to put up with them, so your thoughts are not free.

When you live alone and can focus on your life alone, you will gain great insights into yourself, as well as others.

You begin to see yourself as other’s see you, because with time to think you realize how you appear.  You realize this by their reactions.

You have uncluttered head space so can analyze…again not the in ‘Monk’ style, but in a philosophical way.

You begin your day, deal with your home things, get to work or class, focus on that, then, on your way home, you organize your evening.  What you will eat, what you will do; from visiting sites on the Net, to watching a show on T.V. to what you will wear tomorrow.

As a Singleton you take an evening or your week end, to prepare meals for yourself.  Little one serving meals with no left overs.

You must know how much you can eat, so you prepare a week’s meals, and then decide which one you will eat.

You can focus on nutrition; preparing healthy meals that you like. You…not anyone else.  You cook the way you want for yourself.

When it comes to clothing, you dress for yourself.  You don’t try to impress.  You don’t punish yourself wearing those ‘approved’ things.  You wear what you can that is appropriate.

Get hobbies, lots of hobbies.  Things you really like.  Go to places you want to visit.

Join groups you really want to belong to; not to have human contact but to exercise your mind.

It is not selfish, it is not even self-centered.  When you live alone, focus on the ‘live’ not the alone.