Journal Entry – Therapy Session

Dr. Simmons progress notes depicted her as one whose soul was in mourning. He found her sadness to be of one who had lost a loved one. Grieving for affection; her soul was crying out for agape love – erotic encounters did not soothe her soul. She was wrestling within her soul unable to forgive herself for past sins committed, and the internal conflict of an identity crisis; being confused about her own sexuality was her frustration. The attraction for other women was her inner conflict. It became stronger, and irresistible for her to begin to imagine intimate lesbian encounters.

It was Dr. Simmons plea to her that forgiving herself would alleviate her pain, but with blinders on her sight she could not conceive the idea of joy on the other side of forgiveness. He understood it to be his professional duty to assist her in recognizing, and comprehending the undeniable fulfillment of forgiveness.

“Dina do you feel capable of receiving forgiveness for yourself?” She sat quietly unable to answer his question right away, and then she said. “What is forgiveness of self – who can forgive themselves of such indecencies as I have committed.” “Dina God is omnipotent, and you must understand God forgives us all, He sent His Son into this world to save us from our sins – who are you not to forgive yourself – Do you forgive

Stanley?” “He committed no wrong against me; therefore no forgiveness is needed.” “You feel no forgiveness is needed for Stanley, but yet, you feel you have wronged your own soul – Is it true you need to receive forgiveness?” “It is so I do need forgiveness.” “Try repeating the affirmations I love myself – I forgive myself over, and over until you believe it. I want you to continue this affirmation when you are alone in your room until our next session. Let’s move on.”

Dr. Simmons asked her what feelings surfaced as she thought of Dexter Graham, regret and sorrow was her only reply. “Why are you sorrowful – for what are you sorry for?” “I lament over the child that I never bore.” Her voice was weak and dry, lifeless as a traumatized wounded victim. She wept bitterly; without any gesture to Dr. Simmons she slid from her chair onto the floor crawling about on her hands and knees, suddenly a child-like voice entered the room crying out, “Where is mother, where is mother?” When she heard the cries of the child, she immediately stopped crawling, and began to look about as if looking for her lost child. “My child has come to join me – Where are you my child? I have longed for you all these years, and now you are finally here.”

Dina began to wail out asking the child to forgive her for not letting him live. She declared that her mother demanded termination, and she had no say in the matter. She laboriously tried to convince the apparition that it was not her fault. Her squeals became unbearable for Dr. Simmons to hear; he assisted her back into her chair to continue their session. Her actions revealed to Dr. Simmons the cause of her anguish, and depression was the remorse of the abortion. “Dina what do you want to say to your child?” Before she could utter a word the child’s voice spoke out again. “I have been with you always and never left your side I have been the guardian angel that have watched over you all these years – my name is Samone.”

The apparition expounded to her of its plight through the atmospheric heavens after leaving her body. It concluded how it did not want to leave the earthly boundaries, but had no choice but to continue its quest. Dina begged Samone to tell her of the journey.

As I left your body, there was a battle between the planes of earth and heaven. It was my longing to stay within the earth realm to complete each trimester of pregnancy to be born. It was my desire to enter the world as a human being, and not as an angel; however, after being torn away from the earth I entered a tunnel filled with beams of light with cherub attendances standing shoulder to shoulder next to one another with raised twirling flaming swords to protect the entrance way of the throne. They were of a heavenly host which appeared light as the air we breathe for they couldn’t be touched nor were the faces visible. After exiting the passageway it instantly vanished behind me, and I entered what appeared to be the throne room of God. It was encircled with all the patriarchs of old together with 24 cherubs encasing the throne. A resounding voice spoke out from the throne inscribing an assignment within my heart to return to earth as a guardian angel to Medina McBride.

Before leaving to begin the assignment a festive celebration took place in honor of my arrival. The room was filled with angelic beings that had been torn away from their earthy realm as I had; these beings cared for one another as if they were surrogate mothers one to the other. The ceremonial washing of the hands was the first event to take place. It was a representation of cleansing – being cleansed from the desire to remain on the earth plane. It was a feast such as the feast of tabernacles. There was exuberant rejoicing with the blowing of trumpets, and the shofar. The feast lasted for seven days ending on the 21st day of the month. There was a continuous singing from a chorus who sang alleluia, all hail alleluia to all new arrivals.