I woke up and just sat down in bed and wondered why I was alive that day. For the first time in my life something hit me I was just going through life like a zombie. You may not believe it but it come as a complete shock to me. The reason was I had always thought I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my life. The actual thing with me was that there was I was living my life to belong to the status quo. The revelation that it had happened to me in my mind just lead me to fall down in my bed. The goals that once seemed important to me we lost. There was no clear direction anymore in short my life was in disarray.
I did not get out bed there just did not seem to be any need to do anything. After all there was no purpose any longer. There is nothing that is worse than a place that once had light losing it. As I thought through what had just happened I felt that I was losing the more. It reached a point that I just fade off to slumber land get away from the torture that was in my mind.
The treatment worked for a while but I was back to reality after some hours. I tried to avoid dealing with it because it seemed it was going to be a monumental task. I just did everything that would be a destruction but they all run out and I was faced with the predicament again. I stopped and tried again everything that I had done to keep the issue out of my mind.
Over the next few days my life was filled with gloom and I just did not want to deal with it. I just went from being the most expectant person on the planet to just something that the cat dragged in. Life was just not worth it at times the thought of just ending it were so real in my mind that I could feel death. Somehow I was able to deal with it to some degree to ensure that I never left the planet. It was really hard living through the day there was just no purpose that I could see.
Fortunately that was a dream that I had last night that made me decide to gauge whether what I am doing is something that I love. If the recourse for doing what I do not love was what I had dreamt about the mental breakdown and torture is not worth it. I love what I do and that Is writing and there is nothing else that has ever appealed to me the way that writing does.
That is what I love to do with all my heart. What about you what do you love to do?