How to Make Your Employees Miserable in 10 Easy Ways
These instructions are so easy that even an incompetent nincompoop can following these 10 simple steps to be a bad boss, a poor manager, and a sleazy supervisor. If you want to succeed in creating disgruntled employees and driving workers away, avoid exhibiting leadership, fairness and self control, and follow these steps instead.
Top Ten Ways to Be Bad Boss and a Poor Manager
1. Be a Bully — Decide the best way to manage is to yell and come down hard on small infractions. Pick on the employees you like the least or those in the most vulnerable positions whenever you feel like being the Big Cahuna and throwing your weight around. Practice belittling, yelling, glaring and giving them the silent treatment. Write your employees up for small infractions, and post negative comments in their files and reviews. If your own boss or a customer reprimands you, be sure and take it out on your employees. You will have your employees unproductive and unmotivated in no time.
2. Be Erratic — Change the schedules and lose vacation requests consistently. Give instructions and change your mind a lot. This works best if the instructions were confusing or incomplete to begin with. When you change your mind, be sure and claim you did NOT change your mind, that these WERE your original instructions. Your employees will repay your efforts by doing as little as possible, because they know you will just change your mind about any work they attempt to do.
3. Be Dishonest — Break promises as frequently as possible. Add things to your employees’ permanent records without their knowledge. Secretly add notes to reports after employees sign off on them. Do not live up to your commitments, then blame your associates when things don’t go well. The results will be associates who don’t trust anything you say or do.
4. Be a Micro-Manager — Hover over your employees. Second guess them on everything. Criticize workers when they do something unless you stood right there and made sure it was done perfectly — YOUR way. Call them frequently from your office or home phone to make sure they are doing what you told them to do. While you have one employee on the telephone, ask what his or her coworkers are doing. On smoke breaks, develop an office snitch who will report on the other workers and keep you updated on what is being said and done when you aren’t there. Watch your employees on the security cameras a LOT. Soon you will be rewarded with employees who not only don’t take on any responsibility, because you will only make them do it over, but who have also lost all respect for you.
5. Show Favoritism — Have favorite employees, and make sure everyone knows who they are. Go on smoke breaks with your special circle, hang around their work stations laughing and joking and maybe even trading sexual banter. Show them preferential treatment. Take their side on every dispute. Allow them to come in late, leave early, and take plenty of smoke breaks while requiring other workers do the drudge work. If other employees get tired of being second string, turn into a Bully and yell at them. This is a great way to destroy any teamwork in your department and make sure your employees despise you and your favorites.
6. Be a Sleaze — Use the office as your personal singles club. Flirt, exchange sexual banter, sleep around. Then show favoritism to those who go along with your sleazy ways. Make sure anyone with a valid complaint against one of your paramours is given the old heave-ho if they try to have some issue addressed. Soon not only will your employees be disgusted with you, they will be disgruntled workers.
7. Be a Harasser — The Harasser is the natural progression for a Sleaze. For example, if you are a Sleaze and someone does not flirt back, take that as a challenge and take your sleaziness to the next level. Begin harassing your victim. Watch him or her on the surveillance cameras looking for cleavage or posteriors. Hang around their work station forcing the sexual banter while reminding them you are the boss.
8. Be an Idiot — Anyone can do a good job. That’s why you should stand out and be an incompetent Idiot. This is especially good advice for you if you were promoted after sleeping or flirting with your boss, the Sleaze, or being in the special circle of a boss who showed favoritism. So you were promoted and don’t have any qualifications. Who cares? You are still the boss and should make your employees do your job. Tell them it is THEIR job, and then treat them like THEY are the idiots if they don’t know how to do your job! What fun that will be! Soon you will be dizzy with how fast your employees come and go, as they beat a path to the Exit to get away from your supervision. They were all incompetent anyway, right? After all, they couldn’t do your job!
9. Double Up! — If you are a Bully, you can also be a Harasser. Pick on one or two employees in particular. Follow them around, sniping and nit-picking. Position yourself where you can glare at them. Watch them on the security cameras looking for some small infraction, then crack down hard on that one person, even though others in the area are guilty of the same infractions. Bully the employees you don’t like and harass them until they leave… or until they find an infraction to turn YOU in for.
10. Be All of the Above! — Why stop at one or two bad management traits when you can have several? Add some interesting combinations. Be an Erratic Micro-Manger, or a Harassing-Bully Boss, or a Sleazy-Idiot Supervisor. These exciting combinations will result in poor morale, lower productivity and higher turnover. Whatever you do, DON’T be a Leader!
Ignore My Advice — Or, you could ignore my advice, manage through leadership, and be a successful manager. Authority comes from leadership, not from a title like boss, manager or supervisor. Lead with calm authority and you won’t have to be a Bully. Treat your employees with respect and dignity at ALL times, and they will have more respect for their jobs and for you as a boss and manager.
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What Makes an Employee Disgruntled? Poor Management Decisions
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