What is a love hate relationship? Many people hear this term and are puzzled wondering how you can love and hate someone at the same time. The first thing you need to know about love hate relationships is that most of them are unhealthy relationships. Allow me to explain a healthy love hate relationship since these are few and far between. A healthy love hate relationship is sometimes seen in the parent child relationship. If you have kids, at some point they have probably said I hate you and then later on that day may have told you that they love you. Did the child mean it when they said I hate you? Yes, they did, at the time.
Did the child mean it when they told the parent they love them? Yes, they did. This is an example of a healthy love hate relationship and is normal. However, it can get out of hand and get into an unhealthy relationship when there is actual abuse and not just a parent correcting a child or telling them no. In time, a normal love hate relationship that goes on between parent and child slowly fades away as the child becomes more mature. It’s all about emotional maturity and the problem with two adults that are involved in a love hate relationship is that they are both emotionally immature and this is prime ground for an unhealthy relationship.
Many times when there is a unhealthy love hate relationship with a parent, the person continues to have unhealthy love hate relationships with their partners because they don’t have a any idea how to have a healthy relationship. We learn how to have healthy relationships as we grow up and it is the parent’s, or the example that the parents set, that we will emmulate. When the parent child relationship is unhealthy or abusive, feelings get distorted. As a result, there is chaos and confusion, this is when feelings of love and hate get jumbled together to the point of not knowing the difference between the two.
If you have never been involved in an unhealthy love hate relationship then you may not understand what I’m talking about. On the other hand, if you have, then you get it, because you have experienced it. There is hope in knowing that with therapy and taking a break from relationships that it is possible to have healthy ones as long as you focus on you and not someone else.
However, when you are tangled up in back to back unhealthy relationships there will be nothing but misery for all involved. This is a cycle that never ends and the only one who can stop it is you.