What to Never Forget

Running makes me forget that my mother is an alcoholic and my father needs heart valve surgery.

Running makes me forget that I was cheated on by someone I really loved, that the next person I really loved didn’t wait for me and instead dated someone else, and that someone I love right now might not love me tomorrow.

Running makes me forget that my sister and I aren’t close and that she’s dating a horrible guy.

Running makes me forget that I’ve wasted several days feeling sorry for myself, eating too much, not eating at all, not laughing enough, waiting for tomorrow, waiting for today, waiting for the end of the day, waiting for the night, just waiting for something to happen that hasn’t yet.

Running makes me forget about failing out of college and then getting back in and graduating.

Running makes me forget that I’ve cheated, I’ve lied, I’ve stolen, I’ve done everything that my father told me not to do.

Running makes me forget that I will never be a supermodel, that I’ve had cavities, that I’m no longer 12-years-old, and that every morning I have to take care of myself.

Running makes me forget that my cousin had cancer, that my parents gave away our two dogs, that my cat named Zunie died.

Running makes me forget that there is someone I still think about that I need to forget, that not everyone can be in your life forever, that someday I will die, that heros are only in movies, that I can only draw eyes, that I’m not that good at science, that night brings darkness and daylight brings sun, and that if I want to learn the guitar I actually have to practice.

Running makes me forget that my grandfather shot himself in the head in his garage, that flat tires can happen overnight, that just when you think you’re ahead, you’re behind, and that you will never be able to go back in time.

But running… It makes me, me.